Throughout our lives we all set barriers for ourselves. these barriers could be big or they could be small. these barriers, some are extremely visible and on our minds all day and some are invisible, eating away at our subconscious day by day. within the last couple of years i have made it my mission to face and over come many of my fears, and insecurities. it has all started from my fear of certain insects. i used to live in a city where one of these insects were extremely prevalent. i eventually got so tired of my heart racing and irrational actions following that i had made a decision to stop and analyze what my mind what going through. i had known all along that these insects could never harm me. this timeframe was also where i was at a stage of personal growth. i had this new mindset that i was trying to manifest and harvest. this mindset that had set me on my path was a mindset of spiritualism. it is this spiritualism that has tought be many things in my life, but in this case, at this stage in my life, i was interested in how things affected me. this fear that i held so close, was really all an illusion. when i came to understand that this insect and i were actually completely and uderly intwined, the fear ended. the fear of the presence of such things no longer gave me anxiety the way that it used to. i can not lie and say that i still to this day do not get startled when an insect pops out of seemingly nowhere to grace me with their presence, but i no longer fear the existence.
     The second fear that i overcame, to my knowledge was some strange phobia towards my tongue. I am very much interested in body modification such as piercings and tattoos. I had always told myself that i would never be able to get my tongue pierced because of this. So i decided to that this fear and overcome it at an extreme level. I took this fear of anything to do with my tongue and achieved two things at the same time. A little back story... For those who may not know there is a thing called bifurcation, where a body part may be split or cut in half, this can be done with many different body parts, i will spare you with you list of body parts. Simply put throughout my youth i was fascinated with this form of body modification, more specifically i was interested in getting my tongue split. but the fear of anything either piercing or cutting my tongue kept me from doing so. Long story short i had the procedure done. there was no pain, but lots of swelling.... for a little over a week. Throughout the procedure i remember my mind racing, and fighting itself because of such an experience. of course after facing this fear with such intensity, i no longer fear anything going near my tongue. To note the body modification artist was out of town when the stitches had to be removed so i relyed on a friend and his wife to remove them for me. This was quite the experience as well.
     I have faced other fears other than those listed above. i will spare those since this post has gotten to be quite wordy. But i am currently facing an insecurity that i hold now and possibly will go to another extreme to face it, or maybe its not quite facing it but finding an alternative in dealing with the reality that will be mine for the rest of my life. This alternative will also be a lifelong, i hope that the results will be something that i can be proud of and not afraid to show. or perhaps its just in my nature to try and hide away as i do. This is also a side effect of my fear of being alone, which i have faced by deciding to live an extremely social-less life. only during peak comfort do i decide to face others, and under only special circumstances. this i fear is one of my fears faced gone terrible wrong.
There is a person with whom I hold very dear to my heart. This person has given me such spark, such inspiration in all aspects of life. This person has helped turn me into the person that I am today. This person, even though they will remain nameless, doesn't even know they were the very source for many things in my life. This person, with whom I have never physically interacted with has had such great force, such presence, that I think about her nearly every single day. I once fell in love with this person, and I am afraid, but do not regret, have never fallen out of love. We no longer talk, well at least not nearly as much as we used to. We have kind of grown apart. Distance measured in miles is not the only thing between us. I am grateful though. I am grateful for all blessings that surround her daily life. I am grateful she has found love once again. I am grateful she is living her dream. I am eternally grateful she is getting all she deserves in this life. With all of the wonderful things that have come her way, I feel that she has an infinite amount she is still owed. This person I will forever have unconditional love for. I hold so much pride in getting the chance to meet this person, to interact, and to share. Because although we may not still talk, she has given me more than I could ever ask of her and more. She gave me life, love, inspiration, hope, and a list of other things. Even these words I write could never truly explain the impact this angel has on the world.

In this life people like this exist for many people. I feel that everyone has interacted with their own version of the person I speak of. What I have found, in my experience. That even when you love this person with all of your heart, and they can not be yours, pain will come, but in time, if you allow it. You can let go of that need to have that person. In time you can realize that you do not need to possess, or call your own to truly love someone. I have gone through the stage of mourning the loss of such a relationship, I have cried, and pleaded, and wished to the source of all things to make my greatest desire come true. But the source has showed me that the demand I was yearning for was very much an illusion. Source has shown me that knowing she exists, and will continue to exist. Living the wonderful life she has. Learning this has allowed me to grow and experience, learn, create, and live. Its thinking back about this person that I must say again, the words written above do no justice in explaining this person or the impact they have had on this life of mine, and she will continue to remain nameless, but if this very person somehow reads this post, and realizes it is about her the following words are especially for you.

Thank you for all that you have done, haven't done, and what you will do in the future, because all that you are, all that you think, feel, say, and do will always be ever so important, because they come from you, and you are the source of such great goodness, love and inspiration. I love you, and I always will, because you are, and you will always continue, to be you.


I have to say that before watching this video I had no idea who This person was or what he was responsible for. After watching this however I am eternally grateful for people like him. In this modern age of gray areas between whats truly just, right, and what can be deemed as criminal or illegal. I feel we must all take a step back and truly realize the world for what it is. At an age where all information is said to be at your fingertips why do we still depend on a small group of people to make decisions and laws for us? I feel that in this modern age this method is not only outdated, impractical, unjust, unfair, and down right inhumane. With modern technology today and the access that we all have to it why do we not have a better system? The United States was formed with far less of a population that it has today, but the founding fathers would be ever so ashamed at our blindness to the revolutionary tool that we have today. The internet. The internet is the answer to most of the problems that we have in this country today. Strictly speaking on the unjust laws perspective, the internet would solve the problems in overpopulation in the prison industrial complex,  financial loss, and unfair gain, the internet also gives the opportunity for every person to truly have a voice in how our government functions, where our money goes, and who may be guilty of committing a crime. The United States was never intended to be a democracy, No, in the constitution and the bill of rights it states this country is governed by the method of a Republic. I however am not purely against Democracy, however I do have a problem with how it is being carried out today. We no longer need, or desire an indirect democracy, With the internet and the widespread of media we now have the power to be a direct democracy without any ruling class, without a president, and without any representatives. All civilians have some form of access to a television set, a computer, a cell phone, or other network related device where their opinion on a law can be counted, observed and enacted. By having this form of direct democracy we all have a voice, we all have a vote, and in the pure spirit of democracy, the true spirit, and voice of the majority will be heard. There is no need for central and political leaders to tell us what will be done in our country anymore. We no longer need judges to decide the fate of someone being accused of a crime, and as the constitution allows, each person will be tried by a jury of their peers by allowing everyone to be educated on the suppose law that was broken to vote on how the persons sentence, if any would be carried out. This ability would render useless the mainstream medias monopoly on the mass populations opinions, by giving each citizen unfiltered access to their countries affairs, not only does the individual gain more strength and knowledge but the country itself, with all standing as one, the strength a real country would have. When all is one, none is lost.
this documentary on crows is super interesting! i never knew how intelligent they are!
Feel free to check out my new website! I will be hosting blogs, a gallery of my work, news, and information. From here moving foreword the website will be the most up to date. I will continue to work on keeping all other forms updated, but the best shot would be to check the website first!

www.strlightsunst.wix.com/yellowbirdbooks


Sometimes all thats needed is a reminder of how things can be so simple. It's one thing to have high hopes and it's another living off of them. Sometimes you have to step back and look at things for what they are, more often than not they are beautiful. There's beauty in everything if you look at it at the right angle. I come to a place often where I find myself heartbroken, discouraged, and sometimes let down. It is times like these where you have to change your perspective to realize that all of the things in life have some form of lesson to teach. Heartbreak especially seems to be one of those lessons that not only hurts the most, but also makes you grow so much stronger. I have not gone through heartbreak in a long time, but I feel as though I am feeling some residual effects of my past. They always have a lesson to teach, a strength to gain, a heart to be warmed, and motivation when there was none. I feel very motivated now, and the song above is one on my list that reminds me of some things I hold dear in this life. Even moments of silent loneliness can be filled with such joy, love, motivation, and creativity.